Sunday, July 30, 2006

Why do so many disparage fake tits? What’s wrong with a set of bowling-ball sized breasts that seems immune to gravity? I love fake tits. I think that every woman on the face of the earth with natural breasts should be forced at gunpoint to get implants.

In fact, I think it should by the first surgical procedure performed on a young girl. Can you imagine infant girls with knockers as big as they are? It might seem a little disturbing at first, but it’s really no different than a circumcision if you think about it. Plus, just think of all the money parents would save on pillows!

Also, it would discourage pedophiles from having sex with little girls, right? Pedos like flat chests and bald pussies—so if you want to save your daughter from the sick fucks that prowl the streets, the answer isn’t actually watching them—it’s getting them a nice set of fake tits and a possible even massaging their little papercuts with hair tonic. That would keep the pedos away! Of course, it might make all the non-pedos take up interest . . . so we as a society would have to develop a device that would erase portions of a childs memory so that they don’t recall the numerous brutal rapes they suffer, thus negating any psychological damage said rapes would have on them.

Anyway, fake tits rock so stop knocking the knockers, you fuckers!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I feel sorry for my liberal and conservative friends, trying to figure out where to draw the lines, trying to figure out who gets what freedoms. What's wrong with everyone having the same freedom? Conservatives, why can't the fags have their weddings? Liberals, why can't the rednecks have their guns?

Why can't we all just enjoy the same liberties?

Don't you think we'd all be happier if everyone could just do whatever they pleased, so long as it didn't bring physical harm to another human being? There doesn't have to be a clash of values in America--or anywhere else for that matter! Conservatives can be conservative and liberals can be liberal and everyone can leave everyone else the hell alone!

What do you say, America? Who's with me?